A reader asks:
Considered one of my staff is positioning himself to maneuver up in a few years. He would nonetheless report back to me, however the working relationship could be a bit totally different, and it may have a significant affect on my work and the group if that relationship is poisonous. The issue is that he thinks he’s so much smarter than me. He apparently learn one thing about “managing up” and now he’s attempting to handle me. He’s very, very dangerous at it. His makes an attempt to govern me are clumsy, however he doesn’t notice that I do know what he’s doing (as a result of he’s certain that he’s a lot smarter than me). There’s additionally some sexism happening right here (I’m feminine, and he appears to have issues with that typically). Each dialog degenerates into extremely irritating condescension and smugness on his half. For instance, he has mentioned issues like:
• “My expectation is that you’ll give me a touch when you assume there could also be a change arising.” Me: No, not occurring. I attempt to squelch rumors, not unfold them. And if there’s a change coming, your division head will know first.
• “My expectation is that you’ll change the assembly time.” Me: No, a gathering that includes 27 individuals and has been scheduled for a month won’t be rescheduled only for you.
• A couple of minor snafu with one other staff: “I’m certain you perceive why it is advisable have this particular person fired.” Me: Let’s simply discuss how we’re going to deal with a reasonably small drawback.
He all the time ends with a smirk and a sluggish nod. Proper now, I simply smile, ignore it at any time when potential, and get again to the difficulty at hand. Often I’ve addressed it head on, after I have to make clear that he will certainly not be getting what he needs this time.
I need to name him on this, as a result of it’s getting very tiresome. It additionally sidetracks the dialog away from the vital stuff we must be discussing. And I don’t get pleasure from being handled with such disrespect. I’m tempted to present him a e-book on the subject and inform him he wants to review some extra earlier than attempting this once more. However in calmer moments, I do know that stage of bluntness will simply embarrass him and put him on the defensive. How can I cease this conduct with out doing an excessive amount of injury to our work relationship? Or do I simply need to put up with sentences that begin, “My expectation is that you’ll…” perpetually?
A complicating issue is that he’s well-liked together with his colleagues, who would be the ones contemplating him for the promotion in a number of years. I may doubtlessly veto their determination, however it could destroy my credibility with the remainder of the division so I’d reasonably determine easy methods to make this work if I can.
I reply this query over at Inc. at present, the place I’m revisiting letters which have been buried within the archives right here from years in the past (and typically updating/increasing my solutions to them). You can learn it right here.