A reader writes:
This letter entails a really delicate subject and a few backstory, so bear with me.
Would you take into account it bizarre if a coworker introduced alongside an unrelated college-aged lady to a piece social gathering the place you might invite household?
I ask as a result of I used to be that faculty lady. Once I was 19, I used to be a sexually pissed off lesbian with then-undiagnosed autism. Regardless of being at an LGBT-friendly college, I had no intercourse life and didn’t know the right way to method girls with out coming throughout as some kind of creep. Each LGBT-related extracurricular I used to be in was centered on networking, political activism, or group, so I by no means felt comfy broaching any romantic or sexual matters with fellow queer girls, and I used to be additionally fearful of by chance hitting on straight girls. HER and Lex didn’t exist then, and I used to be too scared to connect my face to an app like Tinder.
So I’d make nameless posts on YikYak and Whisper asking if there have been some other lesbians within the space. I met a pair of their thirties who needed a 3rd, and I stated sure as a result of it was my solely alternative for homosexual intercourse even when a man was there. (To be clear, the encounter itself was solely consensual and, to cite Anatoly Dyatlov, “not nice, not horrible.”)
Nevertheless, earlier than the precise encounter, the couple had invited me to their workplace social gathering (they each labored there). The couple stated that it was regular since “household and buddies” have been invited, they usually had launched me as their “cousin” to their coworkers. In fact, I didn’t inform folks the actual motive I used to be there, however I used to be trustworthy about my college, my diploma, and so on. I used to be pleasant with anybody who talked to me and didn’t assume something of it.
I’m now 28. I’ve established myself into my budding white-collar profession. I lately remembered my earlier escapade — upon which, it jarringly dawned onto me that all the couple’s coworkers seemingly clocked me as their unicorn with me none the wiser. After attending fairly a couple of workplace events of my very own the place household was invited, it clicked in my thoughts how bizarre and noticeable it is perhaps if a coworker introduced an unrelated faculty scholar beneath the nebulous label of “cousin.” Who brings their cousin to an workplace social gathering, anyway?
Fortunately, materially talking, it doesn’t matter now. I work in a distinct trade than the couple. I moved to a distinct state after commencement. I presently reside and work 1,800 miles from the place we lived. We weren’t in common contact after the encounter. I don’t keep in mind their names and, heck, they seemingly don’t keep in mind me in any respect! This satisfies my rational thoughts, however emotionally, I can not shake off the chance that all the couple’s coworkers knew the actual motive I used to be there. With this in thoughts, I don’t know why the couple would’ve invited me alongside, as a result of wouldn’t this have additionally mirrored poorly on them from an expert standpoint?
It makes me really feel weirdly weak, gross, and uncovered nearly 10 years after the actual fact. I concurrently really feel silly for ever agreeing to it but in addition pissed off as a result of no one taught me the right way to navigate the school social atmosphere with out by chance appearing gross or hiding my feelings solely. Are my fears unfounded?
Sure.
The actual query is: what married couple invitations their hook-up to an workplace social gathering forward of a single informal sexual encounter?
That’s not a factor folks do, largely as a result of workplace events are usually not precisely hotbeds of sexual arousal. On the contrary, going to another person’s workplace social gathering is often the reverse of thrilling foreplay; they are usually extremely uninteresting for anybody who doesn’t work there (and infrequently for individuals who do).
It is rather, very odd that they thought they need to deliver you! But it surely’s odd on their aspect, not on yours. You simply rolled with it; good for you. You have been additionally not but of an age the place you knew something about workplace events and what would or wouldn’t be acceptable. However they have been!
In any case, I’m completely positive that their coworkers on the social gathering didn’t suspect you have been their unicorn! Bringing a cousin (who might need been staying with them) makes a ton extra sense. It’s extremely, extremely unlikely that any of their coworkers went house considering, “I guess that wasn’t actually a cousin and was really a hook-up!” As a result of once more, workplace events ≠ sizzling romance. It’s simply not the place the thoughts would go.
I’m sorry you’re feeling weak and uncovered trying again on this! I hope it helps to listen to that nearly actually none of their coworkers thought you have been something apart from a bored cousin who had been dragged to another person’s work operate.