A reader writes:
I’ve a gaggle of coworkers who I’m moderately pleasant with. A couple of yr in the past, one of many members of this group (Josh) developed a crush on one other worker who is just not a part of our social circle (Tiffany). Ultimately he requested her out, however she declined. Josh was outwardly calm and appeared to take it effectively and haven’t any onerous emotions.
For some time, it appeared that the state of affairs was carried out and over with. Nevertheless, in latest months Josh has began displaying a frighteningly hostile perspective in direction of Tiffany. He has by no means confronted her immediately, however often vents his damaging emotions about her in direction of different folks. On a number of events, he claimed that she deliberately withheld work-related info from him. This arguably has occurred a few times, versus the 5 – 6 occasions he alleged, and appeared to be a real mistake. Because of the nature of our work, generally it may be unclear which components of the venture ought to contain which individuals.
After studying that her wage was increased than his, he made dozens of bitter remarks about how unfair that is. He insisted that the standard of her work is overrated, and that “being fairly” and “hitting on the CEO” had been the the reason why. It’s true that Tiffany is a conventionally engaging lady and is without doubt one of the extra extroverted and gregarious folks within the workplace. However it’s a stretch to say that she is being flirtatious. Considered one of Josh’s extra outlandish accusations was that Tiffany is a “liar and hypocrite” as a result of she offhandedly talked about in breakroom chitchat that she believes in DEI initiatives however the next week he noticed her consuming Chick-Fil-A for lunch.
That is making me very uncomfortable. Josh was once very nice and easygoing, however has grow to be so belligerent. Even individuals who aren’t conscious of the historical past (and even some individuals who aren’t significantly keen on Tiffany themselves) have observed that he’s sad with nearly each single factor that she does, and that he’s continually searching for causes to malign her. Josh at all times doubles down and insists that his latest habits has nothing to do along with her rejecting his advances, and that he’s utterly over that crush.
I don’t suppose I’ve ample grounds to escalate this to our supervisor, since I’m not the goal of this negativity. Moreover, Josh has not really carried out or stated something to Tiffany and is merely complaining about her. Nevertheless, many people are feeling like we have now to stroll on eggshells round him, and his continually approaching folks to vent about Tiffany is actually bringing down the temper.
Ought to I say something?
You completely have ample grounds to escalate this to your supervisor and HR.
Josh seems to be retaliating in opposition to a colleague for rejecting his advances. That’s sexual harassment and it’s a very massive deal. In truth, I’d argue that you haven’t solely the standing to escalate it, but additionally an obligation to.
Even when Josh is telling the reality that his hostility in opposition to Tiffany has nothing to do along with her turning him down, he nonetheless appears to be engaged in an aggressive marketing campaign of vitriol in opposition to a colleague, and that itself is regarding. As well as, his feedback about Tiffany’s seems to be and her relationship with the CEO are offensive and insulting and take it fairly rattling near sexual harassment all on their very own (and doubtlessly all the way in which there).
If you embrace the rejection historical past on prime of that, Josh’s habits is frankly horrifying.
I hope the remainder of you might be telling Josh to STFU when he begins in on Tiffany — however please take it a step additional and alert somebody above you to the complete historical past. This isn’t okay.